Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Kids, Why Do You Anger Me So? (Part 2 Of Possibly Many Parts)

So I haven't blogged in ages due to being extremely busy and also extremely lazy. What better way to mark my return than to MOAN SOME MORE ABOUT THE ANNOYANCE OF THE EARTH- KIDS.

I will keep this story short and not so sweet...

Let me set the scene for you... a nice sunny day, walking through a park on my return home from a good day out. Possibly even skipping whilst the sun shines in the background. The smell of freshly cut grass wafting in the air. Talking on the phone to one of the world's most amazing people (and possibly the world's only amazing person)... and then IT happened. I say 'it' because the other words I would choose to describe this occurrence are far too rude (not that I care).

So what disturbed this amazing moment?
A GODDAMN CHILD SPAT ON MY FOOT. What is this bullshit and why does it happen to me? You're probably thinking it's nothing- and screw you for thinking so. It was possibly the most horrific moment of my year so far. IT RAN UP TO ME, with a GRIN on it's face, and then just spat on my foot. Then it continued grinning whilst staring me dead in the eye. NO YOU IDIOT CHILD- THERE IS NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF HERE. The sun might as well of stopped shining right then because those 5 seconds totally killed my day. I of course had the most disgusted look on my face and turned around to find the idiotic person who produced this child. And what did his mother do? She just looked at me with no emotion and huffed 'sorry'. SORRY. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRY? Sorry for what exactly? Having me come in contact with your undisciplined child? Or sorry to me and everyone else in the world for producing such a vile creature?

So I walked away still disgusted, trying my hardest to continue with my phone conversation  whilst sitting at the bus stop. But I was still so mortified that I just couldn't even speak properly. The woman and her child then decided it was okay to sit next to me. So I took the opportunity to extract my revenge.... I wiped my spit infested foot on the child. Not once, but about 5 times until I knew for sure my foot was at least slightly less contaminated. This all happened whilst it stared at me confused. If anyone walked past at that moment it may have been a weird thing to witness.

Nonetheless, my happiness was restored, and I am alive to tell the tale. So all is good in the hood....I guess.

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