As usual- I have a billion and one thoughts, so I thought I'd so another post like this one because my rambling stream of consciousness seemed to get a good response- so here goes...
WHY THE HELL DID I JUST TAKE A NAP? I always feel like absolute shit after it, and now I can't be bothered to do anything. Why do I overly stress myself? I wish I could just get all this reading done asap, but no, I would rather online window shop on ASOS. DARN YOU ASOS. As Seen On Screen. What screen? Shutup. OOOOhHhH phone vibration. Oh for the love of everything and everyone- T-MOBILE, STOP CALLING ME!!! I already hung up once in your face, why are you calling me EVERYDAY NOW? CAN'T YOU TAKE A HINT? BUGABOOOOOO. Now I want to go on youtube and sing along to Destiny's Child. I want a fizzy drink. You know that first thirst quenching moment when you take that long gulp. I need that right now. I feel like it will fulfill me. YA MAKE ME WANNA THROW MY PAGER OUT THE WINDOW. I had a dream that me and two of my friends were starring in the video for Destiny's child 'Girl'. I hate that song, but I was Beyonce and I looked amazing. As much as I don't want you bugging me, leaving things on this note was not a smart move. You're not smart and your decisions are not smart either. You're one SCHUPID individual. I think it is fair to say that Mr Kipling does make exceedingly good cakes.
These cakes are my life. See I do have a life. Its pink and moist and amazing, with a bit of cream inside. That is NOT what she said you SICK people. When will you hurry up and get back from your dumb holiday? Things need to be done. PLANS. I HAVE A PLAN. Zara and I have a plan. I'm a man with a plan. Imagine I actually am a man and it took me 20 years of my life to finally realise? I dunno who will feel more cheated, me or ...LOL NO ONE. If all fails in my life, I really will give up and sell my hair as weave. A lot of people have suggested this. The bald man in Costa made my plan final. How do I get a nose ring without looking more Asian? That is the ultimate question. This is the confusion I face. How do I do this? I love finding secret passageways, I feel like I am a secret. Would it be cheesy of me to ask to be your secret. LOL AGAIN. I'm in such a LOL-ING MOOD. I wonder if you're happy with yourself- let me tell you now you shouldn't be. What makes me happy? Chocolate. Endless chocolate.
LOOK HOW HAPPY ZAID IS. CHOCOLATE FOR ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't walk up stairs without panting. Probably from all this chocolate. Whenever I walk up the stairs for work I imagine there are people watching me on the cameras and laughing because I stop every second to breathe. I'm pathetic. FREUD YOU ARE PATHETIC. WHY DID I CHOOSE TO READ YOUR WORK FOR MY DISSERTATION? I wish I could quote Eminem in my dissertation, so many of his lyrics would be so relevant, and then my dissertation would shit on all of your dissertations. I am so not looking forward to being back surrounded by the cocky people on my course. HI I'M EDGAR AND I'M FROM STUCK UP CUNT LAND. Hi, I'm Zaineb, KISS MY BUM. No but seriously, why do boys still wear hoodies in this heat and come on public transport looking like they're ready to hurt someone? WHO HURT YOU BRO?! You know what I can't stand going to the dentist- but I think my last experience was decent. Although there was an awkward moment in the chair when my dentist was looking in my mouth- and Elvis Presley 'Can't Help Fallin' in Love' came on the radio, and my dentist was singing along, whilst staring into my mouth. And so I laughed. But instead a snort came out due to the fact that my mouth was open. So attractive. LOL did you seriously just call me mademoiselle in all seriousness? How can I not laugh? I hate when I know I'm right and yet I question my right-ness because YOU CAN'T STOP SHOUTING AT ME. And then I look like a pushover, and then I imagine pushing YEW OVER A GODDAMN BRIDGE INTO THE WATER. P.s. I hope you can't swim.Don't make me do that again, it's not nice, nor fair.
It's amazing what light can do. I love colours. Why don't I have a favourite colour? I usually tell people I like green, and brown...but then I like orange, red, white, blue, purple... I LIKE ALL DA COLOURS BRO. If someone sneezed the way I just sneezed, I would have slapped them. I still wonder how you do that- you know, exist and annoy me all at the same time. It's amazing. But you don't amaze me. I want to fall asleep on a park bench. I'm so grateful for the woman who sells jacket potatoes outside Pret a Manger, because she sells 50p canned drinks. I can then enjoy these with my pricey tuna and cucumber baguette. OH MY WORD. THE TUNA AND CUCUMBER BAGUETTE FROM PRET IS THE GREATEST THING. The bread, the way the cucumbers are all neatly placed, the right ratio between tuna and mayo. I will maybe dedicate a whole blog post to it, BECAUSE IT DESERVES IT. I will kiss the person who made that baguette, if your lips are as crusty as the bread- EVEN BETTER. I need a new winter jacket, unless someone will hug me 24/7 LOL JK GET OFF ME. Patting my foot like yeaaaaaah. I like to pat ma foot. If the dog next door does not stop barking, I promise I will...do nothing. Apart from skank along to the barks like I'm in a rave. This is mon LIFE PEOPLE. I seriously need that drink. I seriously need to start my work.