half way through the year and I'm laying here, ill and lost. I'm happy that I've gotten through so much this year, and yet I still feel like it is not enough?! Why does the world make us constantly feel like whatever battles we go through they're minor, in comparison to the battles other places/people have to go through...surely that's not fair? I don't know. I don't know a lot of things, which is why I'm constantly questioning, and yet sometimes I feel like I know so much I'm going to explode. All I'm
certain of is the fact that I want to rip my face off because of this
damn cold or hayfever or whatever the hell it is. Oh face, why do you
pain me so? University is over and I don't want to think about what comes
next...What comes next?! What do you want to do with your life now, Zaineb? I don't know... how am I meant to know...I'm only just about to turn 21...why should I know?! I can't ever pick which chocolate bar I want from the shop and yet I'm meant to be able to decide about these 'adult' things?!?! I want someone to come and tell me what to do
with my life... and at the same time I want to be in control and tell them
to shut up and stop talking. I don't even know myself and yet I'm meant
to decide who I am and what I want to do....I want to lay here in my sweat forever,
drowning in my thoughts until they suffocate me. Maybe then I'll reach
some sort of epiphany. I don't want to go outside, it's sunny and I can't handle the heat. I can't handle the heat metaphorically speaking too. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so COLD (oh what an excellent pun Zaineb, well done)...I want to stay inside forever and I want to fall asleep in the bath...I want to be clean.
Clean from everything. Someone feed me ice cream and cake and tell me I'm the best and that good things are coming...