Sunday, 30 June 2013

Mid Year Thoughts

It's half way through the year and I'm laying here, ill and lost. I'm happy that I've gotten through so much this year, and yet I still feel like it is not enough?! Why does the world make us constantly feel like whatever battles we go through they're minor, in comparison to the battles other places/people have to go through...surely that's not fair? I don't know. I don't know a lot of things, which is why I'm constantly questioning, and yet sometimes I feel like I know so much I'm going to explode. All I'm certain of is the fact that I want to rip my face off because of this damn cold or hayfever or whatever the hell it is. Oh face, why do you pain me so? University is over and I don't want to think about what comes next...What comes next?! What do you want to do with your life now, Zaineb? I don't know... how am I meant to know...I'm only just about to turn 21...why should I know?! I can't ever pick which chocolate bar I want from the shop and yet I'm meant to be able to decide about these 'adult' things?!?! I  want someone to come and tell me what to do with my life... and at the same time I want to be in control and tell them to shut up and stop talking. I don't even know myself and yet I'm meant to decide who I am and what I want to do....I want to lay here in my sweat forever, drowning in my thoughts until they suffocate me. Maybe then I'll reach some sort of epiphany. I don't want to go outside, it's sunny and  I can't handle the heat. I can't handle the heat metaphorically speaking too. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so COLD (oh what an excellent pun Zaineb, well done)...I want to stay inside forever and I want to fall asleep in the bath...I want to be clean. Clean from everything. Someone feed me ice cream and cake and tell me I'm the best and that good things are coming...


*hides underneath covers*

The chronicles of a confused girl


  1. I've only just finished my first year of uni and I'm already feeling the stress and panic of what I'm meant to do in another 2 years time, it's stressful! I can't imagine how you're feeling! It seems almost cruel for us to be made to make 'adult' decisions at the age of 21! I hope you get things sorted though! Ageing doesn't really mean you have to grow up after all! And if you can't choose which chocolate bar to buy in the shop, buy many :P


    1. you at least have 2 more years to think :) . I know- I don't even feel like an adult and now I gotta think like one?! Loooool best advice ever about the chocolates (that is what ends up happening...i also throw in every other snack i see :P )

    2. Yeah exactly! But I can understand the panic, it's pretty daunting. What did you study in? Haha I'm the same!

    3. I studied of the main reasons for this is the fact that there is meant to be so many things you can do with it....but now i'm just lost! what are you studying?